When Justin, Jess & Bill were testing for Cushing’s I got to the point that I felt like Pavlov’s dog. Except I didn’t salivate, I was filled with dread.

    This is something that is hard to admit publicly as a mother but I got to where seeing Justin’s name appear on the caller ID of my phone filled me with dread. I wanted to ignore the call but knew that if he didn’t get a hold of me whatever the problem was (and he usually had a problem if he was calling) it could get worse real fast if I didn’t help him figure out the problem.

    I blame the memory problems that Cushing’s caused, for many of his problems. It seemed that a frequent problem was locking keys in his car. Sometimes with the car running. I tried to keep spare keys for his car at my house because it seemed he quite often needed one. It seems like such a simple thing, not locking the car door until the keys are in your hand. I think the fact that he so often locked keys in cars attests to how bad his memory and concentration was.

    Flat tires, sickness, fights with a girl friend, needing money, etc., etc. There were just a lot of problems all requiring my attention, or so he thought. I usually responded to the problem and either helped him figure it out or just fixed whatever needed taken care of. I always worried that some day the problems would be bigger.

    I can happily say that once he recovered from his BLA & Cushing’s his problems that he comes to me with are few. I think it’s easier to keep your life on track when you feel good.

    The sound of the fax ringing at work also filled me with dread. In fact, it was the bottom dropping out of my stomach dread, followed immediately by a pounding heart & shortness of breath.

    All of the results of the family’s cortisol saliva tests and UFCs (urinary free cortisol) were faxed to me at work. The results of these tests were crucial for a dx. While a part of me couldn’t wait to see the test results another part of me could barely make my feet move to walk into the office to pull the results out of the fax machine.

    I’m not sure how long after everyone was done testing that this would of gone on. The fax machine broke when the store was moving to a new location and I never had to hear it ring again.

    Results for midnight cortisol blood draws were picked up at the local hospital. I was filled with the same sense of dread as I walked into the hospital and then as I stood at the counter in the records department and waited for the results to be handed over. I couldn’t wait to have those test results in my hand. Once my hand held the papers I dreaded looking.

     I’m so glad those days are over.