Thursday, October 28, 2010

    I’ve been married for twenty two years. Soon, I will no longer be married. I’m looking forward to that. I found when Bill moved out that I didn’t miss him at all. I felt like myself for the first time in years. I had no one’s moods to worry about, no one to wonder what they would think of how I was doing something. Don’t think I was some mousey little person who let my husband walk all over me while I believed half the things he said to me. Mostly I learned to ignore him. It just got tiresome listening to him get worked up and go on and on about everything I’d done wrong. Wrong, according to him. And sometimes he was just a bit scary.

     Looking back, and I mean really looking back and being honest with myself, my marriage started going wrong almost from the beginning. We seldom had a fight in the true sense of the word because I wouldn’t fight. I wasn’t raised that way. Besides it didn’t take long to learn that it was futile. He had an answer for everything and could twist my words until they almost made sense but they weren’t what I’d said or meant.

     Before you think I lived through twenty two years of misery let me say that there were good stretches and so-so periods. But what was always in the back of my mind was the truth that there would come another rant. They seemed to come out of the blue at first but I found that over the years I could predict when they were getting close but still was quite often surprised when it happened.

     After Bill moved out of town a few months ago I looked up at work one day and saw him walking towards our door. I suddenly realized I understood the saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” I finally knew why, when we were still together I always worried about getting home when I knew he was home. If I was around him I could gauge his moods and know what to expect. When I saw him that day at work, I hadn’t seen him in over a month and I had no idea what to expect. But I then realized it didn’t really matter, he no longer was part of my life.

     This is a bit weird to be throwing this out for everyone to read but I’ve thought about it and my blog’s title is Cushing’s Family. So, in the interest of other families going through this here is just a tiny peek into what our life was like for years. Some might be basic personality, some, I’m sure is from Cushing’s. There just came a point that I couldn’t take it anymore.

     More at another time. This is a bit exhausting to write and I still worry that my Cushie friends will be upset with me for breaking things off when Bill was still sick. I know I’ve had a lot of support from them all but I feel guilty. Just not guilty enough to get back together.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

We got the CD of Jess’ senior pictures. Here is a sampling of a few of my favorites. I think they turned out great.
Taking two college classes takes a lot more time than I would of thought. One class has a lot of reading, so much that I sometimes end up doing a lot of skimming. The first week, I started a couple of days late. One class week runs from Tuesday to Monday but for Organizational Leadership the instructor puts up the weeks assignments on Sunday. This week I’ll be ready to start on Sunday. That might make the week a little easier. I’m enjoying the classes.

Last weekend I set up my Dove Chocolate Discoveries™ at a craft fair. I got leads for several parties and need to make contact with them. I also got a possible recruit. She was pretty excited about it then but I haven’t gotten a response to the email I sent. So, we’ll see. She may have lost interest or she may just be taking her time. There are a couple more craft fairs that I will be attending. I also had two chocolate tasting parties this past week. One on Sunday & one on Thursday. They both were pretty good. Actually, most parties are good.

I have a whole list of things I want to get done this weekend. This blog entry is one of them. I’m trying to stay more current than before. It’s supposed to warm up by afternoon. I hope so, there is a lot of laundry to hang out. It’s stayed fairly warm for Oct. I have noticed this Fall that I’m not seeing any caterpillars on the highway, I’m wondering why that is. I think I’ve heard it said that a lot of caterpillars can mean a hard winter.

I’m hoping the weather is good tomorrow so I can take Ashley’s & Alisha’s senior photos.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It’s been a very long time since I posted anything. It’s time to get back in the swing.

The short version of the last few months. Bill had his BLA in June. We separated in July. I’m filing for divorce. I got back in the swing of doing chocolate tasting parties. I have enrolled in two college classes. Jess & I are working on revamping the house. It’s a long process when you don’t work at it every day. But this week I’m starting on the second half of the living room floor.

With assignments in two classes I’m learning to budget my time.

I’m happy.